You might even cut to the chase and ask if they're free this weekend. Funny Reddit users will answer! There’s a video somewhere about ‘Verbal Jui-Jitsu”: which is the art of defusing conflict before it starts. Don't be afraid to ask them if they're okay. It’s the little things that make life at my office easier, How to de-escalate an incredible upset mental health patient who is either unknown or prone to violence (though it works on most anyone), If they are at a level 10 you come in at a level 7. I really sold it on being crazy! I was in a rather run down and empty mall and had been to the make-up counter where the girl put a horrid orange lipstick on me. Learn to speak another language through videos. You’ll also like 28 Phrases to Feel Comfortable in English Conversations. Given that the particular stress of the current moment stems from illness, this is also probably the worst possible time to be a society that uses “How are you?” “I’m fine” as the standard two-person greeting. That is not a question, but the person asked can respond if they want. As Lizzie Post pointed out, Emily Post wrote in the 1920s that the correct response to “How do you do?” was always something along the lines of “I’m doing well, thank you,” even if the respondent was in fact completely miserable. 5. But if you have an effective damage control strategy, you don’t need to sweat it too much. 2. However you’re feeling about the breakup, there are four pieces of advice I want you to remember. Just keep this apology format on hand to help things return to normal as soon as possible if and when you eventually need it. Anyways he sat down and the guy started crying to him about his gf. This moment has laid bare the extent to which “How are you?” is a mere pleasantry and not an honest inquiry in search of an honest answer. I used to say, “look through the pages and make any changes.” They would groan and reluctantly take the paperwork, or just complain about it. There is, however, precedent for adjusting what’s customary or polite in extraordinary times. Here’s why they ask: But when you think you’re ready for the next step, it’s important to say so. 5. Asking amazing great questions is skill like any other skill, it takes practice. Offer assistance only if … People are sick and dying in alarming numbers all around us. “How are you?” “I’m fine, thank you.” Do you find yourself saying these phrases again and again? You then use words to describe their feelings starting out at a 10.."fucking pissed" and gradually bringing those descriptive words and your tone down to a 2 "annoying", Works pretty much every time but there might be a little up n down in the middle just follow the person's lead while always being a level below them. Derren replied with "the wall outside my house is four feet tall." Ask before you help Just because someone has a disability, don’t assume she needs help. Tannen is partial to “What am I interrupting?” as a conversation starter for phone calls. “You looking at my girlfriend?” “Is her name Mary?” “...what? Maybe we’re lucky enough not to be sick or dying, but any of us could be soon. Everyone’s doing badly. One of the kindest gestures we can extend to others in a time like this is to make clear that they don’t have to pretend they’re fine. Lizzie Post, a co-president of the Emily Post Institute and the great-great-granddaughter of its namesake manners expert, pointed out to me that a World War II–era edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette included a special wartime supplement, in which Post urged dinner-party hosts to abandon the established custom of serving every guest a hearty portion regardless of the size of their appetite, in order to minimize food waste. Summary. In my own conversations, I like to go with “What’s your day been like so far?,” which moves the long-term circumstances into the backdrop and asks for only a small, trivial morsel of information. I see the same 6-7 people every morning from a pool of about 10. a common greeting exchange goes something like. And then we both spend a long moment gazing directly into the abyss. He didn't know what to do. How are you? r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. For example, if you're out to coffee or lunch, your friend may not want other people to hear their response, even if they're strangers. He came right up to my face, almost touching, horrendous breath. At least 7 of those people now smile back when they see me every morning. He got confused, then backed down and left, I was in a pub one time, and I was checking out a cute girl that was walking past, and her boyfriend said "What are you looking at?". 1. Just imagine... if someone walks into you twice a year and both times you smile and greet them enthousiastically, they will think of you as a nice person. Once you know what kind of information you need and who to ask, you have to ask your questions in a manner that gets the best possible information in response. I've started doign this on the walk to work. By agreeing with their anger they are more open to listen too you. Here are some techniques to draw out what you need to know. Saying hello to everybody you know, and with a smile. Asking for a promotion can be nerve-wracking. In other words, employers can still ask about how much you made in annual bonuses if you are in sales or other commissions-based sectors. Perhaps you tell the professor you have already searched the syllabus, asked a classmate, sought tutoring help. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. The difference is that while How are you? A lot of what was considered proper before the war, in other words, seemed downright rude after the war began—and the same has happened to certain social rituals in the coronavirus era. If you ask them in front of people, they might become embarrassed and not answer honestly. The idea is that it puts the aggravated person on the back foot and takes them out of that adrenaline filled state. You’re doing your thing and getting over the breakup. Fulfilling the expectation to say you’re “fine” when your life is even just a little less fine than usual can be hard. While I was in there, a guy came into the women’s restroom after me and started to corner me while I was backing up and absolutely terrified. To ask “How are you?” is either to make the conversation very gloomy, very fast or to force someone to lie straight to your face and say they’re fine. I darted around him and sprinted as fast as I could. simply asks about a current state, How have you been doing? If you want them to keep talking, keep your own mouth shut. How are we? She probably likes you enough to potentially face the embarrassment of being rejected. So when they ask, if you don’t feel like answering directly, don’t. If I were you, that’s a bold move that’s worthy of at least a … Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Just acted crazy and his whole face changed to just being confused and he stopped for a second. When you’re talking to someone, they will naturally fill silence. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Samaira on May 18, 2018: Only use this response if you want to talk about your sickness or illness with the person. Read: Dear Therapist’s guide to staying sane during a pandemic. These settings are where “How are you?” belongs these days: where the asker is prepared for an honest answer. Often people who know eachother from when they were in primary school or just from the block when they were young give eachother an awkward smile instead of an happy goodday! Meanwhile, Butler recommends “Are you still holding up okay?,” which can work as a succinct check-in before moving the discussion to other matters: It tacitly acknowledges the circumstances but nudges the respondent toward a succinct yes-or-no (or “More or less!”) answer. Every conversation I have these days with someone who doesn’t live in my home—every FaceTime with a friend or family member, every reporting phone call—kicks off with a brief, awkward, accidental meditation on mortality. In those conversations where “How are you?” functions as a perfunctory greeting and nothing more, it’s time to just drop the question altogether and ask something else, something that doesn’t send the respondent off to plumb the depths of how they’re doing in the middle of a global pandemic only to resurface with “Oh, pretty good.” Other questions might work better as a conversational warm-up or quick check-in. The “How are you?” “I’m fine” exchange has typically been a bit of a deceptive one. Feels good. “Even though it looks like the person is asking an open-ended question, we treat it as a closed-ended question, in which ‘good’ or ‘fine’ is all that is ... preferred/expected,” Butler wrote. (Just answer with the same question) 4. This isn't something I've used but I think it's worth sharing. Our jobs, and really our entire financial futures, are in jeopardy. Instead of asking someone the trite "How are you" say "Hope you are doing well". “It’s hugely important. Being completely calm, reserved and polite only pisses people off more as you "clearly don't understand the magnitude of the situation". It’s subconscious. As you can see, Kate said, “It’s fine,” when it really wasn’t fine at all. Thanks Ask to Answer. You can help protect yourself from scammers by verifying that the contact is a Microsoft Agent or Microsoft Employee and that the phone number is an official Microsoft global customer service number. Employers can also ask you … If we want to take the extra step to show our loved ones that we’re really asking, though, and not just greeting them as we might have done in normal times, reaching for a question that more explicitly asks after their emotional or psychological well-being might help. But with close friends and family, especially, continuing the mutual charade of “I’m fine, thank you” can seem pointless when both sides know that neither of them is fine. How are you? 9. By default, none smile and maybe 3 make eye contact. Let’s take a look at those before I get into how to respond to an ex asking how you are. All of a sudden, a single text brings so many emotions flooding back, all without prior warning. He is Derren Brown though so I wouldn't recommend this to everyone, Derren Brown also suggests, for example. Keeping your distance from a friend you see at the grocery store and crossing the street when you encounter another person on the sidewalk are now among the most considerate things you can do. “Hi!” the other person says back. Glad to be here with you. She also encouraged young women to disregard her earlier advice not to write “impulsive” letters to their “boy friends,” now that many of those boy friends were fighting in the war. If you're not afraid of slipping down the Reddit advice hole, check the compilation below at your own risk - you might get addicted to these top Reddit questions and answers quickly. Stories Questions: Your manager has experience and faced several challenges, asking him about his difficulties, aims and aspirations will let you … I screamed about my horrid orange lipstick and then shrieked about not having any socks on. Sometimes they're cruel for no obvious reason. Make sure you recognize this soon by directly asking this question and be cautious to ask a few questions or ask them at the right time. If someone is “fine,” … If you want to talk, pick a time when it's just the two of you. 33 members in the language_lesson community. A genuine question of concern. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. I'm fine. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Read: Humans are too optimistic to comprehend the coronavirus. Thanks for caring! As Emily Rine Butler, who teaches linguistics at the University of Florida, explained to me in an email, the dialogue is an “adjacency pair,” or a short two-person script that is performed in a particular order. “Health and whether a person is sick or not is monumental right now,” says Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor at Georgetown University and the author of You’re the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women’s Friendships. “How are you?” I ask next, out of habit. Sometimes it hurts to the core. It’s what’s on everybody’s mind.” Tannen points out that in certain parts of Asia, a common greeting exchange goes something like “Have you eaten yet?” “Yes, I’ve eaten rice.” Asking “How are you?” out of politeness during a pandemic is like asking “Have you eaten yet?” during a famine: Not only does the question draw all involved parties’ attention to the terrible circumstances at hand, but the expectation of a polite response negates the possibility of an actually informative answer. Used it a few times in some of my relationships and it's the godsend question. Now I say, “ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is make changes.” Saying it that way makes them think it’s not much to do and they take the clipboard without complaint. It is usually a prompt for the other person to find out more and try to make you feel better. Everyone we know is in danger. If you’re greeting someone you truly care about, greet them in a way that shows you are genuinely asking about their life. Let’s look at: How to ask “How are you?” in different ways asks how a person has been doing lately.. The same thing happens a lot when asking how you are. I've gone out of my way to look like an idiot and smile at them forcibly over the last couple months. She giggled and dragged him away. And if the perfect line doesn't strike you right away, don't worry. I am AWAP (As Well As Possible) 3. I tried this once and it worked! Today I’m going to show you some more creative ways to ask and answer “How are you?” in English. Because sometimes our friends fall off the wagon. But the word “fine” is often used to mean “good enough.” It’s not great, but it will work. She's gorgeous". If you build a close enough connect with a customer (someone that is buying your product) and can guess they are the type of person to use reddit (for example the largest Reddit demographic is 18 - 29 year old males) then instead of asking them to write a blog post about you or refer to friends you can ask them to post on reddit. One type of adjacency pair is “question-answer,” and another is “greeting-greeting”—while “How are you?” “I’m fine” may seem like a question and an answer, in practice it functions more like two greetings. Sally ordered the wrong color! Of course, there are contexts in which “How are you?” is usually a polite way into a conversation about something else (work, for instance), and then there are contexts in which you really are asking for an update on someone’s emotional and psychological state. To ask “How are you?” is either to make the conversation very gloomy, very fast or to force someone to lie straight to your face and say they’re fine. Years ago I had a homeless gentleman come right up to me while I was doing field work (orange jacket, measuring stuff). I had to walk down a looooong, very dimly-lit hallway in the main section of the mall outside the department store to get to a restroom to wipe it off. You have the option of mentioning how you have already tried to solve the problem. Upright and still breathing. … So little effort for a person to find you friendly! The innocuous “How are you?” at the start of a conversation—which is normally understood in American culture to be a polite way of expressing concern for a person’s well-being, and to which the socially agreed-upon response is “I’m good,” “I’m fine,” or “I’m doing well”—hits differently in the COVID-19 era. Offering a hug or a handshake is no longer a polite way to greet someone. First, reflect on what you want. Why Employers Ask What Other Companies You’re Interviewing With: There are a couple of reasons why interviewers love to ask if you’re interviewing anywhere else, or what other companies you’re interviewing with. 31.0m members in the AskReddit community. Derren Brown said that once there was a muscley drunk guy that wanted to beat him up and said the classic "what are you looking at." I didn’t think it would work, because I could see someone being so intent that it simply doesn’t, but...worked for me! Adults with disabilities want to be treated as independent people. They may then ask you more questions and show sympathy for how you are feeling. “How are you coping?,” for instance, signals that you don’t expect whomever you’re talking with to be doing great, and that you are genuinely curious about how they’re handling things. Sometimes a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. One that I picked up from a friend of mine whenever he was trying to pick out dinner with his gf: rather than ask "What do you want?" Best ask Reddit! How to Be Amazingly Good at Asking Questions. Wrap up your response with “Thanks for asking. and getting the typical 'i dunno, anything' answer and then having suggestions shot down. This might make the professor more willing to help you directly if he knows you have been trying to solve the problem on your own. “What’s been on your mind lately?” suggests openness to a deeper conversation. Is the best line I’ve got for defusing ye olde boyfriend question. no doubt this is annoying but these are our options. Patients hate updating their paperwork. Are we really going to paper over these grim truths with the usual, compulsorily breezy “I’m good! #12 She’ll finally ask you out. “Hi!” I say. Start with "what do you NOT want?". In wartime, the supplement reads, “nothing is more welcome to the normal home-loving man (or girl) than to hear his name called when the mail is handed out.”. I work front desk in a medical office. I am giving some easy answers. In other words, it’s a way to catch up with the other person. The coronavirus pandemic and its effects are dramatic and widespread enough that it’s safe to assume everyone’s life has changed for the worse in some way. “Are you looking at my girl?” “Sorry, she reminded me of my sister. Better yet, greet them in a … If she musters up the courage to ask you out, give her some credit. We need better questions to ask. We need better questions to ask. We need better questions to ask. Emily Post may have agreed, then, that the expectations around “How are you?” should change when the question is inviting discomfort and heartache instead of lively dialogue. However you choose to start your conversations during quarantine, perhaps the most important thing is to ask a genuine question that invites a genuine answer. If they are screaming and yelling you need to come in loud but not attacking them...agreeing with them (to a point), I understand why you are fucking pissed I would be pissed too, yeah that is some bullshit the situation really sucks, look I get it I would be angry as shit too but us screaming is going to get anything done no matter how angry we are. And they often ask this in an initial phone screen, so you need to be ready for it. Tech support scams are an industry-wide issue where scammers trick you into paying for unnecessary technical support services. I somehow just stood there and responded "I'm sorry, it won't happen again". I replied "Your girlfriend. No?” “Sorry she looked like someone I went to school with, my apologies”. She was killed in a car accident”. You?”. Saying “I’m fine” when the honest answer is “I’m sleepless, tense, and full of dread because my whole life is oriented toward trying desperately not to catch a deadly disease” can feel like an outright farce. Or what was ruined because too many people started doing it? Just say “Hey X! First off, instead of simply asking How are you?, friend B asks a slightly different question: How have you been doing? You might also follow up on a worry or concern they’ve mentioned before, and check in on how they’re feeling about it now. But clearly she also understood that sometimes the rules have to be reversed or relaxed in accordance with the times. Also it is an expression of positive good will towards the person you are speaking to. 65.3k votes, 16.2k comments. This is useful if you’re ever in a verbal altercation. Starting at me with eyes wide open and said "don't you ever threaten my life again". 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